I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again.  Only I would be stupid enough to wait for his family members to sleep, just so we can further argue about what we argued earlier on.

He didn’t want to go masjid tonight, and I forced him to, and it became one huge argument.  So I told him, fine if you don’t want to go, then please go get those certs scanned, and go to Simpang bedok and pay for our dinner last night.

He very semangatly said ok, he will do it tonight.

I came home, called him – and where was he?  At his sister’s house. 

Dah scan?  Belum, dia suruh kawan dia buatkan.

Dah gi Sempang Bedok?  Belum, dia kat rumah kakak dia.

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Macam mana aku tak marah??  Tell me, how on earth am I supposed to keep my cool and be calm and lovely?  Right now I feel so angry I want to cry.  I feel so angry, I just want to tell him to get lost, leave me alone, and use all my savings and follow Na/d/iah Is/m/ail to USA tomorrow, and be a spinster (or whatever the correct term is) there. 

I am truly disappointed in him tau.  Sometimes I feel like I’m single-handedly trying to make my r/s better, I’m the one putting in all the effort.  What does he do?  Go his sibling’s house and rest and relax, while aku mcm beruk hilang akal, run around sending his resumes to wherever. 

It’s really wearing me down, and I want to just quit everything right now.  I’ve had enough tau – work is confusing enough as it is, my ngaji is going nowhere because I haven’t menderas or whatever the word is, I’m getting anxious because my fiance is jobless, I haven’t filed that bloody income tax thing, I’m just going out of my mind, and he has to add to it by being a real asshole! 

One day I might be sorry I said all this, but right now I just want to cry.  I want someone to come and make EVERY SINGLE THING in my life ok.  I am very very tired. 

I just want to quit everything right now. 

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